You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
