were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
