Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
