the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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