Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
