Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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