Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
