She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
