It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
