so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
