Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
