remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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