it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
