At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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