A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
