The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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