I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
