U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
