My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
