and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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