I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
