the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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