I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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