We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
