He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
