Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
