I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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