It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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