he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
