Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
