just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
