My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I want is dick and wine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
