I wanna bring you to show and tell
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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