Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
