And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to make out with him forever
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
