if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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