Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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