i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
