you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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