If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
