i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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