The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
