Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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