I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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