I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she woke up with a sticky ear
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
