I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
