Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
