I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
