I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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