Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
