I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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