My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
