I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
