Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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