yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
