it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
