Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
