He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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